this is good

romans 8:28
i stare at the words,
trying to understand.
they swirl around
in a jumble of complexity
like a painting
with so many splattered colors,
you can't even pick one out.
this is my life right now.
i can't even talk
when I'm just trying to breathe
so why would I understand?
all things work together
for good 
but this isn't good



romans 8:28 
my bleary eyes can't focus,
and the dark stains on my fists
feel like the bruises
of a too heavy weight
rather than yesterday's mascara.
i know He keeps His words,
but why can't i see?
why can't i feel?
what is this?
my head drops,
my face pressed against the words.
all things work together 
for good
but what is good?

~~~~~

romans 8:28
my fingers trace the words
inked onto the tattered page
but i don't need to read again-
they're a part of me now.
ever since His finger traced the words
onto my wrung-out soul,
and i felt the whisper
that flooded my being
with the meaning of good
all things work together
for good
and this is good



romans 8:28
i stare at the words,
trying to see them
as i once did before.
but i can only drop my head
and thank Him
that He is good. it is good.
others wouldn't say that
that things are good right now
because not much has changed
except my heart
and i hear the whisper again
"child, you want to know good?
good is when I'm most glorified
and all things work together
for good"

so this is good.

let there be light

let there be light
the words burst forth into the nothingness,
igniting everything and dividing the dark.

let there be light

the words cut through the slab of heart,

removing the stone and replacing it with flesh.

let there be light
the light floods in, creating the colors,
creating the prisms and rainbows yet to come.

let there be light

the light pushed in, pure and bright and white,

clearing out the darkness with its radiance.

let there be light
the flood of warmth pulses through the waters,
stirring its depths into a habitat yet to be inhabited.

let there be light

the windows of the soul are thrown open wide,
 for the Light of the world has taken up residence.

let there be light

and it was so

the colors of His faithfulness

faithfulness

she watched the word seemingly etch itself out onto the smooth sand

by the relentless waves that foamed and swelled, rose and fell

it all seemed so beautiful now, so perfectly fitting and lined up

now that everything could be seen, but it wasn't always that way

on the other side of the sand, the green-blue crests animating the sea

were a reminder of the murky uncertain depths that some must come through

but also a reminder of the beauty that eventually arrives

when one finally surfaces and looks around

the colors of faithfulness are alive and pulsing

faithfulness

he stared at the word scratched into the dirty metal bars

by hands which once inflicted deeper wounds into souls

it all seemed so cliche now, a testament to a change of heart

now that everything was changed, but it wasn't always that way

on the other side of the gray sheet, the letters crudely carved

were a reminder of the heavy burdens some must come through

but also a reminder of the beauty that eventually arives

when one is finally freed and looks back

the colors of faithfulness are unyielding and relentless

faithfulness

she traced the word out onto the foggy windowpane 

by fingers which once couldn't follow even the simplest of lines

it all seemed so easy now, so attainable and in reach

now that everything was good, but it wasn't always that way

on the other side of the glass, the fiery colors painting the fading sky

were a reminder of the fiery trials some must come through

but also a reminder of the beauty that eventually arrives

when one finally finds strength and stand up

the colors of faithfulness are fiery and strong 

faithfulness

he followed the word with his eyes, scrawled in huge letters

on the side of the street by someone who once read words much worse 

it all seemed so bright now, and like a dream where everything is clear

now that everything looked different, but it wasn't always that way

on the other side of the wall, the colors so boldly splashed

were a reminder of the confusion that some must come through

but also a reminder of the beauty that eventually arrives 

when one finally sees the light and steps out

the colors of faithfulness are bold and clear 

======

the colors of faithfulness

are too many to count,

but they're any colors He uses 

I Realized I Should Try

The walls are there, strong and high

Built by years of division and strife

I cannot possibly break them down

When I cannot even see over the top

Or understand what is holding it firm

So why should I even bother to try?

I know for certain- I can feel it inside

That it is not the color you are outside

That should determine your life and destiny  

It shouldn’t create the chains all around

But I cannot change everyone’s minds

So why should I even bother to try?

I’m not the one who created this mess

Let those who made it put it all back

There’s many of them and only one of me

History has proven the eminent win, and

Those who are highest always succeed

So why should I even bother to try?

But that was before I saw you that day

All I could see was your eyes, so kind

They locked with mine for only a moment

And my heart broke as you dropped them

But that is the law, and even my wishes

Won't change cruel laws from cruel hearts

Something inside of me changed and grew

And I do not think I'll be the same, now that

Mistreated has a beautifully wistful face,

Enslaved has a hungry, desperate soul, and

Captive has those dark, haunting eyes

It has all become real....much too real

The walls are still there, strong and high

But if I could move even one brick-

The chains are still heavy, for young and old

But if I could loose even one link-

The laws are still there, so fierce and unjust

But if I could change even one word- 

I realized I should try 

right isn't easy

x

right isn't easy

in fact, 99% of the time

it's really, really hard

i wonder why we keep thinking

that somehow, someway,

right would be easy

because it's not

right isn't easy

it never has been

just look at history

the ups and downs

have all been from right

waging war with wrong

but somewhere, somehow

right always prevails-

but not without a cost

right isn't easy

i want to remember that

when i'm tempted to ignore

the voice inside telling me to

stand up for the truth- for what's 

defined as right by the one 

who created right to reflect Himself

 keep fighting for right, 

because right isn't easy

but it's worth it all

(Don't) Walk Away

you are standing there, face pressed into your hands

head bent low, hair tumbled, and body slumped

I pause, hands full of papers and bags and myself

the downtown street is heavy with dusk and the lights flicker

I hear the whisper but stand there, arguing with myself

you remain still, a frozen image of despair

I feel the nudge but stand there, considering my comfort 

you remain stiff, the embodiment of overwhelmed

hands nervously shaking, I walk a few steps closer

the night has fully descended now and the streetlights are glaring

my indecisiveness, my renamed excuses claw at my insides

I take a deep breath, pull my things closer- and walk away


++++++

I don't want to be the kind of person who walks away from a need that I could have met. It could be the smallest thing that means the world to someone (this post comes to mind), or it could be something a little bigger, a little bolder, that shows them Jesus. After all, there's so much in this world that we can't do anything about....so why are we passing up chances right where we are to do something? Let's be in tune to what Jesus wants us to do, and then let's do it. Whether it's to smile, to hug, to speak, to listen, or whatever it may be, let's do something. I don't want to walk away any more. 

+++++

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? // 1 John 3:17 

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ // Matthew 25:40 

redefine & be redefined

(image via)

there's a lot in life that needs to be redefined

and brought back to what it was originally

because it's been dragged -or has drifted-

so far from the truth 

such

as

courage.

it's not simply a lack of fear

not at all

it's not letting fear overcome you

(because when you do right it will try)

or

hope.

it's not simply a wish

not at all

it's looking forward to a certain future

(because it was laid up for you as of old)

or

love.

it's not simply a feeling

not at all

it's an action and a sacrifice

(because true love will hurt sometimes)

or

faith.

it's not simply blind hope

not at all

it's the proof of what we can't see yet

(because we will in all fullness one day)

or

you.

aren't simply one out of billions

not at all

you have a soul, a mind, and a heart

that longs to love, live, and be loved

(because you were created that way)

so

though the world wants to redefine these things

and many, many others

please remember that you are defined

by the One who made you

by His love and grace

and you are not who you once were

(so please hold these new definitions close)

redefine

and be redefined 

xx

lead me to the Rock {psalm 61}

Hear my cry, O God,

listen to my prayer; 

 i know You hear me

please help me pray like it

from the end of the earth I call to you

when my heart is faint.

You hear me from wherever i am

and however i am 

Lead me to the rock

that is higher than I, 

 i desperately need a shelter

but i can't reach it myself

for you have been my refuge,

a strong tower against the enemy.

even when i can't see it

You have kept me hidden in Your hand

Let me dwell in your tent forever!

Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah 

in Your house and in Your presence
is the only place where i am safe

For you, O God, have heard my vows;

you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

You have seen my heart's cries and promises

and yet You still call me Yours

Prolong the life of the king;

may his years endure to all generations!

You have preserved the faithful ones

and kept their testimonies for the times to come

May he be enthroned forever before God;

appoint steadfast love and faithfulness to watch over him!

let us remain faithful to You, O Lord

for Your faithful love has guarded us

So will I ever sing praises to your name,

as I perform my vows day after day

You heard my cries; now hear my praise

and tune my soul to sing them forever

lead me to the Rock

that is higher than i

and that is You

made for another world

i'm not really sure when i first realized it. 

that shocking truth that was the thing i was missing but knew all along. 

the kind of thing that you feel with your soul but can't name.

the kind that burns inside with an indescribable mix of fire and ice.

maybe it was when i was little, pulling the ripe, indigo blackberries off,

popping them into my mouth and feeling the burst of summer in my mouth.

reaching down to pick another, the sharp sting made me pull back.

mommy, what was that? i asked, raising my finger to my mouth.

that's when i learned about the thorns and thistles and briers.

the things that weave themselves in among the best parts of life, 

and just when i least expect it, they reach up and sting.

or maybe it was when i was older, taking the prettiest walk of my life,

strolling along the cobbled lane lined with trees of fire and their autumnal litterings.

the blue, blue sky and the breeze that carried the faint scent of goldenrod,

making something suddenly come alive in my heart.

then i looked up and saw the last thing i expected- the stark contrast.

the rows of  painted gravestones, just beyond the jet black iron fence.

i stared at the out of place scene- and gulped at that stinging inside.

maybe it wasn't either of those times, or any of the others i could drag out of my memory.

maybe it was just one of those things that creep up on you, and you have a moment of realization

but it was so long in coming that so, so many things contributed to it.

however it dawned on me, i will never forget that truth that once was the explanation of so much,

and now is further ingrained on my soul by the chisels of time and experience.

this place has beauty, life, and even love,
but this can't be, won't be, and is not my home.

i was made for another world.

++++++

they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world (John 17:16) 

but according to His promise we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells (2 Peter 3:13)

i find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy. the most probable explanation is that i was made for another world. // c.s. lewis

real + alive

Being real is not as easy as it sounds. Not in this world, this day, this age. Not at all.

We've changed our own mindsets to where everything has to be somehow subconsciously worthy of something else that it really wasn't created to be. But yet- for the sake of image- we stuff it in and force it to be that something that doesn't belong to it. It happens with pictures and words and memories and beauty of all kinds. Oh, and it also happens to people and their lives.

Aesthetics and how things appear to everyone else isn't life. What we do and how we do it and who we do it for is life. 

Sure, the aesthetic life is much more appealing. Where everything looks put together and beautiful and enviable. But truth is, nobody has a put together and beautiful and enviable life all the time. Or even most of the time. No matter how much it looks that way. 

The brokenness and heartache and struggles of real life are there for a reason. We humans have thought we knew best for way too long, and look where we are now. But yet, the pain teaches us a lesson.

It whispers that you are still here and that these feelings you have are being sharpened for one day when everything will be felt in perfection without pain. It guides us to do things we wouldn't do otherwise, shouting that one day you may not have the chance to do them again. It might hurt a lot, it might hurt occasionally, but it will hurt. There will be pain. But ultimately, the pain reminds us we can't do it on our own. We weren't made to.

Being real is being vulnerable. 

But being vulnerable in the right place is being free. 

And being free is being alive. 

I don't want to live a fake existence. The One who came so we could have life lived a real, perfect life then died a real, horrible death, then rose to reign again with real, forever love. And He still is. The price He paid was much too high to live under bondage to a made-up existence of our own creation.

I'm not perfect. This post isn't perfect. And I'm going to venture to say that you aren't perfect either. But that's okay. He is perfect. He's also real, and alive. And He frees people. 

Oh, He also binds up wounds and mends shattered hearts and resurrects dead things and fixes broken lives. Meaning, there's nothing He can't renew, in case you were wondering.

Whatever it takes, let's live real. Real is freeing, and to be free is to be alive. <3

+++++++++++

This is what I call prosetry- not a poem, but not exactly pure prose either.... it has the soul of a poem somewhere in there. I debated what form to put this in, but I went with this very imperfect little ramble in hopes it might encourage a little today. xx

He did it for me

shoved down the narrow street in stark humiliation 

while every prod -of hand or whip- stings like fire and knives

on the back that no longer looks human, torn to ribbons and

forced to bear up the cross of shame, too heavy for words

since the weight is not of the wood alone- it's the world's too

stretched out on the planks, the ropes cutting in raw and deep

the strokes ring out, the screams ring out, the soldiers ring around

the foot of the crosses to divide the robes and watch as

people scream out and the body is racked with pain of two kinds

the sky begins to darken, the hours pass, the pain is surreal

and then it's time: the words are barely hear from the mouth

too disfigured to recognize  as the cry of agony pierces the air

the cry of the forsaken, the abandoned, the cursed

dies away as the sky falls black and the final words fall

as the spirit is yielded up and the work is finished

the last drops of crimson fall to the earth while the body droops

and the red stains seem to whisper from the parched dirt below

soaking in the love that grew where the blood fell

while the earth shakes and trembles and the dead are revived

and the last barrier is ripped away, torn from top to bottom

the mangled body is taken down, wrapped in linen strips

soaked with tears and spices, the very scent of hopelessness

carried away and laid in the rocky crevice of the earth

and sealed with a stone of finality's weight

but something changes in the morn, as the light overcomes and

with the dawn arrives the joy of the morning while the

mourning of night fades away into shock and hope

when, amid the tears, she hears the voice and looks up to see

the face of love looking back, the scars and marks erased 

by hope and the miracle of the beginning of the rest of time

tears flow out of the eyes that had seen death and given up

and the eyes that crushed death and rose up victorious

but they are tears of joy, and don't sting at all while 

bare feet pound on the dirt as they run to tell the miracle of life

when the scars and wounds are visible again, doubt dissolves

and faith is born to just one of many to come, but the scars

that were bore out of pure love, the only thing strong enough

to break the self inflicted bond of death and seperation

and while countless numbers will see the scars and believe

the biggest mystery is yet to be said, and that is the fact that

He did it for me

and consummatum est 

no place for fear

via

it is reaching out

it wraps around our hearts

its dark, cold fingers

searching, grasping

r e a c h i n g

for the inside

for that precious space

where there's only room

for one thing

it wants to inhabit

the deepest parts

but that's not all

when it comes

it comes to kill

to twist and break

to snuff out the light

to  d e s t r o y 

but there is yet hope
because

we are also reaching,
reaching out
we reach for the light
we reach for the truth
we are searching, grasping,
r e a c h i n g 
for the truth
which overcomes
and overwhelmes
and drives out the lies
that want to take over
that precious space
sacred for one thing
but no, we will fight back
the death and the dark
are slipping away
in  d e f e a t 

because
there is no place for worldly fear
in a soul redeemed

++++

there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. // 1 John 4:18

dry soul / living water

photo mine

i'm dry

i'm shriveled and cracked

my heart is drooping

from the weight of life

and this desert heat

is weighing down

on  e v e r y t h i n g

but especially my joy

when the sand billows up

whipping all around

driving in the cracks

of my already girtty

stale and burning heart

it's all too easy

to succumb to the desert  

i'm dry

i'm dry- and thirsty

i just want water

but to find it

i have to know 

just how to get it

i have to want it

enough to get it

i have to search and look

and drive in deep

and only then can

it satisfy and fulfill

when i've taken it up

it's now mine

but yet

if i didn't want it

so desperately 

i wouldn't be seaching

so it's really this way:

the water calls to me

come, drink

you're dry

and i realize it

i want it

so i search for it

and finally, i find it

i didn't know what

i really needed

or even that i was dry

i was just in need

but it called 

and only then

was i fulfilled

i'm satisfied

with living Water

i'm satisfied

and i'll never be thirsty

 since i'll never be dry again

i'm satisfied 

but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. the water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. // John 4:14

 and He said to me, “it is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. to the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. // Revelation 21:6

when the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst, I the Lord will answer them; I the God of Israel will not forsake them. I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys. I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water. // Isaiah 41:17-18 

right here

via 

right here

is where the pain is

so why go somewhere else

to try to help heal

what is abundantly spread

right here?

right here

is where the hope is

so why go to something else

to try to fill the space

that's already being filled

right here?

right here

is where you are

so why go someplace else

to try to find another reality

when you really are made for

right here?

right here

is where you belong

so please don't run from it

let's learn to live in it

live here, live well, live now

right here

thoughts: change and two years

[ all images are mine]

US 

 uncertain // unsteady // alternating // changeable // wavering// inconsistent // irresolute // unstable // fluctuating // erratic // variable // changing 

GOD

enduring // eternal // immutable // changelesss // consistent // continuing // fixed // imperishable // invariable // lasting // perpetual   // unfading // unfailing // unfluctuating // unvarying // constant // unchanging 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. // Hebrews 13:8 

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation of shadow due to change. // James 1:17

I really don't know where this is going. And I definitely don't want to be depressing, but somehow, contrasting God with us little tiny humans makes me amazed all over again. 

The fact that we, as humans, change is not always a bad thing. However, it's a relief to know that something -Someone- out there does not, will not, and will never change. Change isn't always bad, but sometimes (okay, make that usually) it's hard. And having something solid to cling to, to trust to, to run to, makes all the difference. 

///////////

The two years part of the title? Yes, this little corner of the internet has been around for two years already, and I can't believe it. Blogging started out as something to do "because it was cool". Now, blogging is something to do because it's just a tiny little way that I can share with others about the amazing God who loves me. 

In just two years, A Purpose and A Promise has undergone quite a few changes (speaking of that subject). I hope, though, that the basic message has not: living for God is our ultimate purpose in life, because He's the One who's given us our ultimate promise. My life is not perfect, nor is this blog perfect, but we have a perfect God who sticks with us no matter what, and I hope that's what you've glimpsed through this blog!

Anyway, I want to say a huge thank-you to every one of you who have read, followed, commented, or in any other way supported and encouraged this little blog. You are such a blessing! Getting followers is no longer why I blog, but the fact that 64 people would take the time to click follow is  humbling, inspiring, and encouraging. Seriously- thank you. xx

i am // You say

i am dried up inside

i'm dirty and worn

You say I'm the true Water

flowing fresh every morn

i'm faded and tired

of life's endless strife

You say to me Come

let Me give you My life

i can't see the future

and what all lies up ahead

You say It doesn't matter

just trust Me instead

i worry about me

and my life here right now

you say Think of others

and of your heavenly crown

i don't feel at home here

i just don't fit in

You say That's alright since

true peace's from within

/////////

though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not // c. s. lewis 

something significant

x

a trip across the globe, going to teach orphaned children who don't know love.
that's something significant

//

a step across the room, going to speak to someone who everyone else ignores.
that's something significant.

//

words amplified through a mic, booming out to thousands of people about God's way.
that's something significant.

//

words barely audible, whispered in doubt to a single hurting soul about God's grace.
that's something significant.

//

one lifetime, poured out in self-sacrifice for others who don't really understand.
that's something significant.

//

one minute, poured out for someone that already knows but need a reminder.
that's something significant.

//

These thoughts are dedicated to a sweet friend of mine who is now seeing the amazing, eternal impact that her short but significant life had on so many, whether she fully realized it on this earth or not. In light of this, let's not underestimate God. A single action, a single word, a single step could change forever for someone. Remember that everything in God's plan is significant.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. // Isaiah 55:9